Hockey prospect experts are busy preparing their mock drafts, in advance of the 2025 NHL Entry Draft, June 27-28.
Some will favor players based on each team’s needs. Others will match teams with the best player available.
But no one else has shown the spine, the courage, the testicular fortitude to categorize prospects SOLELY based on their names. So again this year, into the breach I go, where real honest-to-goodness draft experts fear to tread – and are too smart to try.
I remind you, these are actual players eligible to be drafted this year. Don’t try stealing this list, NHL Central Scouting. I’m keeping an eye on you.
Likely To Own Library Cards:
Ben Kindel, Cameron Reid, Noah Read
Most Likely To Roof A Goal:
Blake Fiddler
NBA And NFL Teams Draft Them All The Time:
Matthew Gard
Could Slot In On Larry-Curly-Shemp Line:
Mason Moe
Unselfish With The Puck:
Evan Passmore
Able To Part The Red Line:
Shamar Moses
A Pain To Play Against:
Carson Harmer
A Dangerous Pair On The Ides Of March:
Eetu Vahalahti, Jack Brauti
(Too Easy, I’ll Pass)
Diego Buttazzoni
Wherever He Goes, He’s Only A Day Away:
Brendan McMorrow
Likely Owns A Horse Named “Silver”:
Jeremy Loranger
Player Other Players Will Want To Get Off Of:
William Schneid
He Was SO Close:
Drew Hockley – Just like Jeremy Basoball, Stephen Foonball, and Clyde Baskerball.
Professor Frink’s Favorite Prospect:
Joshua Glavin
How Is This Guy Not A Goalie?
Dryden Allen
Once In A Lifetime Chance To Draft A Player Whose Full Name Begins & Ends With “J”:
Jacob Gudelj
Bear Market For This Guy:
Theo Stockselius
Has NHL Broadcasters Shaking In Fear:
Linus Funck
Name Continued On Next Jersey:
Ilyas Magomedsultanov
It’s Preordained Who Should Draft Them:
Shaan Kingwell – Los Angeles
Carter Bear – Boston
Malik Saberzyanov – Buffalo
Jett Lajoie – Winnipeg
Has Studied Rulebook:
Raiden Legall
A Nose For The Net?:
Cash Koch
Probably Very Proud Of Himself:
David Egorov
Popular On Valentine’s Day:
Love Harenstam, Semyon Frolov, Michael Newlove
Love Means Never Having To Say:
Julius Saari